..or at least my mind has. I’ve been laying here for hours but I just can’t seem to fall asleep. Too many thoughts and questions. Too many emotions.
To start; I am tired of seeing good friends end up in shit relationships that only set them back in life. Maybe it’s because I’ve been there and done that and I just don’t know how they can’t see it. I understand being so in love the idea of not being with this person hurts to the point of hysteria. I don’t understand why they can’t see past it. I guess we all have our breaking points in those situations, but I can’t bear to watch it anymore. To sit with your friend while they hyperventilate and stutter and cry out in agony is torture. I can’t do a fucking thing. Not a fucking thing. All I can do is sit there and be there. I’m sick of it. I just want to smack them, and tell them they are losing their fucking minds. But I don’t. And I patiently sit with them only to have them come back and say “How could I have been like that?”. Don’t get me wrong; I love my friends, and I love being there for them. It just gets to a point where my heart just can’t break anymore for them, and I am just left feeling helpless.
Moving forward: I am moving on Friday. Which is… exciting? More like terrifying. This will be my first time living on my own, with no room mates. I am excited to do everything I could never do with room mates around. I am not so excited to be alone all the time. I do have my critters though. And they are, of course, amazing.
I wish I could feel totally comfortable with throwing my whole life on here. But I feel like someone I love will eventually find it and maybe end up hating me, or judge what I say.
The internet is such a weird place.
Speaking of the internet I won’t have it for a while. At least until I get settled into my new place and get back from the UK and all that jazz. But I look forward to coming back, and continuing to blog even though no one is reading this. Maybe, someday, some people will… and they’ll enjoy it. Maybe. Who knows. Either way, I am going to keep on doing this when I can again.
I just wanted to say that your blog is amazing. Keep up the great work :D
I need to do something with my life. I need to do something with my life because I need to believe that everything happened for a reason. I need to know that I am at this place in my life for a reason. I need to validate my regrets, in that they needed to happen to get me here.
Last night my rabbit Madame Lapin passed away. I was fortunately there to say goodbye, but it wasn’t pretty in any way. Farewell Madame, my lovely little boo, you orange juice spilling thief. I’ll miss your face, and you peeing on the people you loved. They may not have appreciated it, but deep down I did.
I love the idea of blogging my life to the internet and strangers, but at the same time I find it weird sharing personal stories to people who don’t care about me and vice versa. I don’t know. It’s like talking to dead air on a CB radio, not sure who is listening or if anyone is at all. I find no comfort there.
THIS PHOTO WAS NOT TAKEN BY ME. Although this is my hand. This photo was taken by Mr. Perry Thomson. This is a wild mouse that I was hand raising for work. It’s mother had passed away and it was in desperate need of help. You’ll be glad to know that this little guy was released back into the wild once weaned!